I think hubby and I are doing okay.  Some days are a lot worse than others. We spent a nice week in NYC – not really considered first pick for a relaxing escape for healing and rejuvenation – but was surprisingly good and helpful nonetheless! We saw old friends and ate at our favorite restaurants.  Did a lot of walking and some retail therapy.  And eating desserts therapy too!

Josh’s cousin Kari recommended the book, An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken. It is a memoir and tribute detailing Elizabeth McCracken’s own experience when her first pregnancy resulted in the stillbirth of her son, nicknamed Pudding. Zoo-ee-mama! It was a very good read. Beautifully written, and it felt like I was conversing with someone who knew what I was feeling and had moved forward through the pain and heartache. Available from the local library.

Recommended by our midwife, I also found this book helpful: Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby by Deborah L. Davis. It’s sort of like the bible for people who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. Available from the SMPL.

There are quite a few books out there! I’ve also been reading Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death by Carol Cirulli Lanham. This book overlaps with Empty Cradle Broken Heart a little, but also acts as a practical guide for parents who are considering or ready to conceive another child – known as the subsequent pregnancy. I checked this book out from the library, but also own a copy via Paperback Swap so I can refer back to it in the future. An example of the kindness of strangers: the woman who sent the book wrote me a nice note telling me how sorry she was and recommended Elizabeth McCracken’s memoir because it was so helpful to her.

I liked reading Finding Hope When a Child Dies by Sukie Miller, but it is a little more out there. It was interesting reading about how various primitive cultures talk about and explain the death of children and try to answer the question of “why did my child die?” While it is difficult to prescribe to the same beliefs and faith adhered to by the cultures presented, it can be comforting to think about child death from an alternative perspective. Also available from the good ol’ S-M-P-L.

There you have it! Therapy by library card.

I’m sorry it’s been a while since I last wrote a blog post. Hubby and I have been going through some tough times. I was due to give birth to a baby boy on April 1, 2010, but our little guy, Wren, came early. I delivered a beautiful and seemingly healthy 7 pound, 20.5 inch baby on Tuesday, March 9, 2010, at 12:12 pm in our home with our midwives. To our devastation, Wren stopped breathing at around 11:30 pm that night and was not able to be resuscitated.

Josh made a blog site in Wren’s honor chronicling the short time we spent with him.

We’re figuring out how to move forward as we process our grief. I think, hopefully, the hardest part is over.

Lots of love and thanks to our family, friends, and community. I’ve learned so much, and despite the awfulness of this experience, I have become a much better wife, friend… and mom.